Thursday, February 19, 2009

Nervous Breakdown...

So after I finally did breakdown and post my ? about the o2 stats, looked it up on the internet and talked to a few other cfers I had a breakdown.. Theses a few and far between but it was long over due... Of course I tried very hard to hide the "upsetness" from M but he saw right through it... Even when he stared pickin I held it together UNTIL he let a bit of "scaredness" on his part show. When he stopped playing is game and sincerly looked up and said "Im not ready for this" I lost it... Yep woo all that holding back... gone.. right at the window.

Tears and Anger later I put back on my Cf resistant armor and finished up his night time meds.
I then started checking his o2 stats every hour on the hour.. on his fingers and his toe ( laugh it up Im a spaz and I know this ) I heard that sometimes its lower on your fingers if they are cold.. They were cold hince the toe =)
So anyway from 11 lastnight to 12:37 right now his o2 stats have not been below 94.. Now I know thats still not great but it sure as heck beats 90!!
Id be wiling to bet it has something to do with my super hard praying and all the prayers for you guys =)

So since this has happend last night called for a game that M & I play..
We call it the Nasty/Positive game and we play it whenever we "need" it.
We find it fun, good therapy.

You should try it..
Heres the rules.
1. make a list ( dont matter how short or long ) of everything you are upset with, mad at or just down right hate.
2. AFTER you make that complete list you have to go back and for every neg. you MUST list 2 pos. about the same thing.

Heres mine from lastnight
1. I really hate CF
2. I really hate low o2 stats
3. I really hate that poo has cancer
4. I really hate that Mrs. Anna has been gone 3 months

1. We have met awesome people b/c of CF & CF has made our love stronger
2. Its not low to the point of harming the body & Its been high for 24 years
3. We caught it early & Its not harmful to M like we thought
4. Thats 3 months shes been haunting/harassing scientist to find a cure & Shes with her mom & dad.

Its just a goofy little thing we do that makes us realize things are not as bad as they could be or seem.

Please keep the prayers flowing


  1. Sending lots of prayers and hugs!

  2. Wow.. what a great exercise. I have always written the negative things down in a letter and tore up the piece of paper or set it on fire, but this is so much better!!!

    I'm praying!!